Reasons to Never Visit Cairo

1. Every driver has a cache of friends who will descend upon you whenever the car stops.  They will always know you are coming, and it is impossible to avoid them. Your driver is always out for commission.

2. Anything that anyone can offer you, even within the ‘sanctuary’ of a paid-for museum, requires baksheesh. They always ask with a smile. This includes single leaves of toilet paper when you visit the bathroom.

3. Everyone wants ‘tips’, even children.  Additionally, whenever someone says ‘just look around’, it means they will follow and harass you until you make a purchase. Always smiling.

4. If someone asks where you are from, they want your money.

5. If someone asks your name, they want your money.

6. Pyramids are really only breathtaking the first time you see them and in photos.  If you look too close, all you see is litter and terrible restoration work.  There is little respect given to the actual monuments that support the insanely disturbing tourist industry.

7. It’s always disconcerting when a police officer propositions you for bribe money while he’s holding an AK-47.

8. Engage with one tout, even for a simple bottle of water, and they all want a piece.  Apparently ‘no problem, no money’ means they want everything in your wallet.  This is particularly true for children. Swearing at children becomes second nature.

9. Every friendly smile is simply a means for getting you to open your wallet.

10. There is no such thing as a helpful stranger.  He will always ask for baksheesh(tip) or forcefully invite you to his shop under the pretence of ‘Egyptian Hospitality’.  There is always a sale to be forced. 

11. Old men with limps are not to be trusted.

12. A white women can never escape the male gaze, no matter how much she covers up. 

13. Robyn is worth a million camels.  He has yet to pay.

14. A 13egp ($3) dinner-for-2 is never as good as it sounds.

15. ‘Welcome to Egypt’ is the only thanks for payment.  It is a depressing reminder of how much you just got ripped off.

We were ‘coerced’ into spending more today than our whole time in London. It feels dirty.